February was replaced by March, which dutifully gave way to April. Spring was here, although the evenings were still cold enough to freeze anyone who wasn't wearing a full set of winter clothes. The month began uneventfully enough, until the day came along whose events would mark a change in my outlook on life.

That day, I went to the office as usual and carried on with my daily routines. I was logged into MSN Messenger and chatting to some friends. I was leaving a little earlier than usual that day because I needed to catch the train home. It was a good hour's travel to Paddington station and a further three hours from there, so I liked to leave at four o'clock on a Friday. At around half-past three that day I was starting to think about packing up, but I suddenly noticed that Caitlin had signed into MSN. I don't think I'd actually ever seen her log on to MSN before. I sent a quick "Hello", but didn't get a reply, so I carried on working for a few minutes longer. Soon, the time came for me to go, so I typed a quick goodbye, and then started packing my things into my laptop bag. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw something moving on the laptop screen. It was Caitlin, replying to my message. "Hello! Are you still there?", she typed. I sat down, and confirmed that I was.

Caitlin wasn't feeling very happy. "I'm such a waste of space", she complained. "I've been working from home today, and haven't done a THING!". She went on to tell me how frustrated she was with her life - how she always ended up with the wrong men, how she always ate too much instead of working, how she didn't have anyone to go on holiday with; she summed it up with "life is shit". This wasn't like the Caitlin that I knew, and I tried to reassure her how great she was without telling her that I secretly worshipped her. "You could have anyone you want - honestly", I said. "Just pick the man you want and make it your mission to get him". Caitlin was glad to hear this I think, but didn't believe it. After a short spell telling me how difficult it was to meet new men, she typed "Couldn't you find me one?" I have to say I was a bit mortified at that. Did she think I had an 'eye' for men? Did she think I was gay? I didn't really think so, but I asked her anyway as I didn't know what else to say, and was relieved when she typed, "No, you misread me". I waited a while for the explanation, which soon came, and read, "I meant 'find me someone like you'". A line later: "who's not married!".

I was shocked. I could feel the blood running through my veins like electricity. I had no idea that she might really be attracted to me. My mind was a blur as I replied, although I can't honestly remember what I said to that. We continued chatting for a while, and during that time she said so many nice things to me that I was left in little doubt that she did actually like me in *that* way. I left the office two hours late. I didn't mind - I'd have stayed another four if she'd wanted me to. I grinned as I packed my laptop bag, picked up my case and left the building. I grinned all the way from the office to the tube station. While I was on the tube train I smiled, so as not to attract too much attention, although it was very hard not to break into a grin. In the train on the way home, I must have been one of the most infuriating travel companions with my smug, self-satisfied smirk. Now and again I couldn't resist a grin either, and I'm sure that several people wanted to either hit me or ask what was the secret of my happiness. I smiled right up the point where I put the key in the front door, when I stopped. If I came home from work very late and smiling, it was bound to look suspicious. And I suppose it was suspicious.

We chatted often on MSN after that, and each time I was a little worried that she'd suddenly find herself fed-up of me and wondering why she'd bothered talking to me in the first place. But we always made each other laugh and carried on chatting, meeting for the odd coffee and generally being good friends. One day, she was telling me that she'd been talking conspirationally to her mum, and when I asked what about, she said, "My going back to Australia". I think I tried to appear unsurprised, but I think I failed. My heart was racing - I thought she meant for good, so I was very glad to hear that it was just for a few weeks. We arranged to meet again for lunch shortly after that.

Lunch was great. It was a beautifully warm sunny day (in great contrast to the icy evenings) and Caitlin looked stunning. We sat outside, and had fun chatting and joking, and when I mentioned Australia, she said "Why don't you come with me?". My poor old heart raced again as I considered the possibility, but we both knew that it wouldn't happen. How could I explain a long trip to Australia to my wife? Still, I was very touched that she'd said it at all, and admired her all the more for being so forthright. We had a lovely lunch, and at the end when we'd walked up the steps away from the restaurant, we lingered over parting company. We were both trying to appear cool I think, but I was certainly struggling. As Caitlin waited to cross the road, I had to fight myself not to run over and hold her and kiss her. Something made me stop though, but looking back, I wish I had.

That afternoon, there was a very big meeting in Caitlin's building. We were all required to attend, and we crowded into a room which was really too small for the purpose. Caitlin was sitting in the row opposite mine - the other side of the aisle. We looked across at each other now and again, wanting to smile, but not wanting to attract attention. It was like being in school again, not wanting your friends to see who you fancied. Afterwards, we all gathered in the lift lobby, until one of the capacious lifts arrived. The nearest bunch of people squeezed in, and a few of my friends and I were left outside. Someone from inside the lift called, "There's room for one more - come on". Caitlin was already in the lift, and said to me cajolingly, "Come on - get in". I needed no third bidding. We stood very close in the lift, and I can honestly say that I had never had a greater urge to kiss someone in my life. As it was, I had to satisfy myself by whispering in her ear that I had lost my pass to get into the building. She smelled wonderful. I wanted to kiss her ear as I was whispering, but obviously couldn't in a lift full of people. We hadn't got to the kissing stage anyway - I didn't know if she would actually like me to kiss her.

Caitlin left the lift with a flood of other people - she was going back to her floor, and I back to my building. It wasn't long until she was off to Australia, and I was sad to see her go, but I still had something to be glad about and look forward to. We had arranged a night out.